


Carpe The Fuck Out Of This Diem

by lisachan



Series: Leoverse [244]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, M/M, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:07:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23027518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisachan/pseuds/lisachan
Summary: Jesse just lost Alan, but he kept his phone number. He likes to still send him some text, every now and then - to feel him close, to pretend he's still there, to vent or simply to remember him.Until Alan's number gets disconnected and reassigned to someone else.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Series: Leoverse [244]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/30541
Kudos: 1
Collections: COWT - Clash Of the Writing Titans/Chronicles Of Words and Trials





	Carpe The Fuck Out Of This Diem

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNING:** This story is an **AU** from the original 'verse. What happens in here has little to none correlation with what happens in Leonard Karofsky-Hummel VS The world or Broken Heart Syndrome. The characters involved are (mostly) the same, but situations and relationships between them may be completely different.  
> In this specific instance of the universe, Jesse and Adam meet via texts. It's been super fun to write this fic, I'm not even gonna lie about it. The mass of things that you can say when you avoid descriptions is incredible. Plus, these kids are ridiculous.  
> Also written for this year's COWT #10, W5, M4, prompt: _unusual writing style_.  
> Enjoy!

**Saturday, February 15 th, 2031, 11.25 PM**

It’s been a while since I texted you, huh?

I don’t suppose you expected me to.

I would’ve kept texting you, you know, I just

I needed a while okay

Just to

You knwo

know*

Get used to the thought.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you it still sucks.

It’s been eight months but it still sucks.

Blaine asked me to come visit you with him

I know he’s planning to come tomorrow

He doesn’t wanna wait for your anniversary, you know

Says it’s not like he’s gonna miss you less or it’s gonna be easier then

(I can relate)

So he says we should just come any day.

But I’m not sure.

I mean I kinda don’t want to

I know I would cry and I would miss you

And I really don’t want to

What would be the point?

… I dunno, do you feel alone? Wherever you are?

Do you want me to come see you?

Would you feel me there, taking care of the flowers, cleaning the tombstone?

Would it even matter, me coming there…

Jesus Christ

**Monday, February 17 th, 2031, 4.32 PM**

I went back to school today.

Didn’t want to, obviously

Blaine forced me

Told me I have to start getting back to my life

What fucking life

**Tuesday, May 13 th, 2031, 5.25 PM**

I quit school today.

Sorry, I know it’s been a couple months

You used to get angry at me when I disappeared for more than two days but I guess you can’t complain now, can you, yoiu’re fukinf dead

**Tuesday, May 13 th, 2031, 7.45 PM**

Sorry, I didn’t wanna get angry.

I just wanted to tell you I quit school because I can’t bear to go right now.

I think I’m gonna go back to it at some point

Just not right now I guess?

I fought with mom about it, obviosuly

*obviously

She doesn’t understand.

She told me today I shouldn’t waste my future on grief

Like I even care about my fucking future at this point

**Wednesday, May 21 st, 2031, 8.03 AM**

Listen I just wanna tell you that I was thinking about you and you were so fucking handsome and I loved your hair even if I never told you, I’m sorry I never told you and I mocked you when you wore a man bun, truth is I fucking loved it when you wore a man bun you looked so fucking hot and I can’t stop thinking bout that time I got home and you were on the couch reading some Russian novel I don’t even remember the title of and I threw it away and just sat on you and started riding you and I was pulling at your hair so hard and you said harder harder and I too was saying harder harder and oh my God

**Wednesday, May 21 st, 2031, 9.41 AM**

I lied. I remember the title of the novel.

I keep your copy of Anna Karenina on my nightstand now.

I keep everything.

I remember everything.

**Thursday, June 5 th, 2031, 3.14 PM**

I wanted to come today, I swear. Blaine and I had all planned, we had to meet at his house and then drive to the graveyard together.

But I couldn’t. I just disappeared. I turned off my phone. I got him to worry and I had to apologize for half an hour afterwards.

God I’m a mess

**Monday, June 9 th, 2031, 11.16 AM**

I was thinking about you last night.

No I didn’t jerk off this time.

No, I was just thinking about the fact that I’m grateful I met you at all. Even though life sucks now, I wouldn’t change it with a life of not knowing you just because it would hurt less.

Some pains are worth suffering through.

**Tuesday, June 10 th, 2031, 8.11 PM**

I can’t stop crying today, it’s ridiculous.

**Wednesday, June 11 th, 2031, 5.21 PM**

Listen, I was thinking

Wait a second before you go on

I’m so sorry I have to say something

It’s been going on much too long I’m so embarrassed ffs

Who the fuck are you

I’m so fgucking sorry reallt

I don’t even know what to say

Name’s Adam

I don’t know how the fuck this happened but I got a new phone number a few months ago and Jesus I don’t know how to tell you

Where did you fucking get this number

Who the fuck are you even oh my God

I’M SO SORRY OH JESUS

Really I’m so sorry I don’t know why they gave me this number, I didn’t choose it or anything

My best friend messed around with my phone and got me on some fucking pay-per-text subscription and I couldn’t get rid of it and my mom got super angry and she made the phone company block my number and then get me a new one

Suppose it belonged to a person you knew

How long have you been reading my texts

I’m so sorry

A little while

A few months

And you never thought you had to tell me earlier

What are you even

Did you get off on this?!

NO OH GOD

I’m so sorry really I don’t know what to say

It’s just you seemed so sad and you were saying very intimate things

ALL THE MORE REASONS TO TELL ME

YOU SHOULD’VE TOLD ME

JESUS

I’M SO SORRY

God I’m so ashamed

I don’t know why I didn’t say anything

COS YOU’RE A FUCKING PERVERT

I SWEAR NO

I just wanted to let you do your thing

Figured you’d eventually stop

Really I don’t know what to say

I’m mortified

I don’t even know your name

The fuck I’m gonna tell you

I’m so freaking sorry

Jesus

If you want me to delete your number I’ll do it

IF I WANT YOU TO

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

JUST

FUCK YOU

**Thursday, June 12 th, 2031, 7.33 AM**

Listen I know I told you I would delete your number

I haven’t done it yet as you can see

I just reread the whole conversation from the start

I mean since I started receiving your texts

I just wanted to tell you I’m really sorry

I don’t know you at all but

I never wanted to hurt you in any way of course

I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry

I mean for reading but also for your loss

I think this person you lost you loved him very much

I’m sorry you had to lose him

I wish I could say something better but

I know this is no use

I just wanted to say it

I think you wrote very beautiful and sad things

I think he’d have been happy to read them

I think he’d be happy if you visited him sometimes

I think he’d want you to go back to school

I think he’d tell you you still have a life and future

I dunno

I just wanted to say that

FUCK

YOU

CRAZY

ASSHOLE

**Thursday, June 12 th, 2031, 2.54 PM**

Leo

Leo

Answer me

Gimme a mint

Minute

**Thursday, June 12 th, 2031, 3.28 PM**

It’s been half an hour

Leo

LEO

ANSWER ME

JESUS CHRIST WHAT HAPPENED

WHERE WERE YOU

WITH CODY!

Jesus

What’s going on

I just fucked up

Royally

Majestically

It’s not like you to use such adverbs.

What did you do?

Okay so a few months ago remember you fucked up my number and got me on that pay-per-text service for game cheats remember

Yeah

Okay so I changed my number after that remember

Yeah

Okay so after I got my new number I started getting these strange texts from this guy

And he was like writing texts to his dead lover or something

WTF?

Yeah I know I probably got the man’s number after it got disconnected

I don’t even know

Anyway he kept texting me thinking he was texting a dead number you know

WTF????

Yeah and I never said anything cos I was embarrassed you know he kept saying very private things

Beautiful things but very sad you know

Like things you’d say silently visiting a grave or something

Adam I’m shocked

Yeah I know but at some point he started texting like every day and I had to stop him because I knew sooner or later I had to do it

So I told him I was so sorry and so on but

He got so freaking angry

NO SHIT ADAM

I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO DUDE

He seemed so broken

I thought he’d stop at some point but he just kept going

I had to tell him something

YOU HAD TO TELL HIM SOMETHING RIGHT AWAY

OK I DIDN’T OK SUE ME

I’m calling you

No

DON’T

_Leo is calling you…_

DO NOT

LEO

_Leo is calling you…_

ffs

I can’t answer

My mom doesn’t want me to speak with you again yet

I love your mom but she’s crazy

Dude you costed her 400 bucks give her a break

Ok but we need to talk about what you did cos you are crazy

Did you try to call this guy or

No he wanted me to delete his number

Understandable

But I didn’t

Dude

I reread the whole thing and I was so moved by his words I had to tell him something

So I told him I was sorry for his loss and that I was sure this man he lost would’ve been glad to read his texts and surely wanted him to be happy

DUDE

I thought he’d appreciate it

ARE YOU EVEN SERIOUS

I didn’t know what else to do

ANYTHING ELSE

Like

DELETE HIS NUMBER

LIKE HE ASKED

For example

Listen if you don’t wanna be supportive fuck you

Dude

Whatever pretend I didn’t say shit

shook.gif

**Thursday, June 12 th, 2031, 6.51 PM**

Did you disconnect Alan’s number

_Blaine is calling you…_

Jesse, love. Please, answer the phone.

No

Did you disconnect it

Love, I didn’t. Virginia did.

Fucking bitch

Love. Please. Don’t.

I’m gonna rip her heart out

Fucking bitch SHE HAD NO RIGHT

She had all the rights, love.

She kept paying the bills for a while, but it was a waste. You know that like I do.

SHUT UP

I TEXTED HIM

I WAS TEXTING HIM

AND SOME FUCKING ASSHOLE GOT HIS NUMBER

HE GOT ALL MY TEXTS AND READ THEM

What? Love, what are you talking about?

I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO THE FUCK HE IS

HE READ EVERYTHING

Love, please, can I call you?

NO YOU FUCKING CAN’T

**Friday, June 13 th, 2031, 00.14 AM**

I talked to him, Blaine

I used the fucking number to speak to him

Even though he didn’t answer

It was important

It made me feel like we were still connected

Somehow

In any way

And now it’s gone

Replaced by whoever the fuck

He read everything I wrote to Alan

Everything

And npow that I know the number isn’t active anymore I can’t use it any longer

There’s nothing left

I can’t even tell him I miss him

That I still love him

I lost him forever now.

**Friday, June 13 th, 2031, 6.30 AM**

_Blaine is calling you…_

_Blaine is calling you…_

_Blaine is calling you…_

Love, the phone number is inconsequential.

We need to talk. I’ll call you again around lunch time. Please, answer the phone, this time.

Virginia is deeply sorry. She didn’t know you still used the number to text.

She wants to meet you. Let’s go have dinner with her this weekend. Let’s go together. We all need to be together again like we were when he was still alive.

But he isn’t anymore.

And I don’t wanna see either of you.

**Friday, June 13 th, 2031, 1.15 PM**

_Blaine is calling you…_

**Friday, June 13 th, 2031, 3.12 PM**

I’m sorry.

I’m a mess.

Please forgive me.

I didn’t wanna be so mean, I’m just a fucking mess.

Can we meet?

I’ll be at your place in thirty minutes.

**Saturday, June 14 th, 2031, 10.51 AM**

Hi it’s Adam again

Oh my God

I’m sorry I just needed to talk with you

I can’t fucking believe it

I don’t like how we left things off last time

ARE YOU COMPLETELY MAD OR WHAT

Can you please not scream at me

I’m trying to apologize

I know I did something really bad

I’m sorry

I DON’T GIVE A FUCK

No listen

I SWEAR IF YOU DON’T STOP TEXTING ME RIGHT NOW I’M GONNA REPORT YOU TO THE POLICE

**Saturday, June 14 th, 2031, 11.36 AM**

You know what, I can’t believe your fucking NERVE.

I just.

Every time I think about it my brain just explodes, like, and the fact that you keep trying to reach out for me is SO UNBELIEVABLE.

Why do you even insist?!

I guess I’m sorry and I want you to know

WHY DO YOU CARE

**Saturday, June 14 th, 2031, 2.45 PM**

While I was reading your texts I felt like I was watching a heart break into a million pieces

Chip after chip

I guess maybe I was touched by your pain

And I thought I wanted to stop it

Somehow

But I realize now I can’t

I’m sorry for bothering you

I will never text you again

I hope you can smile again at some point

I bet you’re at your prettiest when you smile

**Saturday, June 14 th, 2031, 2.59 PM**

Leo I just told that guy he’s pretty

Does that make me gay

WTFFFFFFFFFFFF

_Leo is calling you…_

**Thursday, June 26 th, 2031, 4.02 PM**

How do you even know?

Excuse me what

You told me you bet I’m at my prettiest when I smile

How do you know?

You’ve never seen me

Smiling or otherwise

That’s why it’s called a bet

I don’t know

I bet

This makes no fucking sense.

Why would you even wanna say a thing like that to a person you’ve never met?

I can’t understand your point in all of this.

You keep trying to tell me nice things after you’ve done such a despicable thing and I don’t understand why.

I’m trying to apologize

It’s called an apology cos you do something bad and then you try to say you’re sorry about it

Don’t you know

I do, it just makes no sense.

You don’t know me, so why do you even care about apologizing to me? What do you care if you hurt me or anything?

You don’t care about it when you hurt people

Not if I don’t know them.

I mean, how do I even know I hurt someone if I never met them?

You made sure I knew

Oh, sorry if I wounded your poor tender heart.

That’s not what I meant

Christ you’re intense

You bet I am. I’m the most fucking intense person you will ever meet. My intensity has an intensity of its own. I just lost the love of my life and a pervert’s been spying my texts non stop for the last four months. You tend to become intense when this shit happens to you.

I’m not saying you don’t have your reasons

Just gimme a break

I know I made a mistake

I’m sorry about it

You keep saying that, but it doesn’t ring true.

You kept my number, you kept texting me.

I told you not to and you just kept going!

… yeah I know

So?

So what

So, are you gonna delete my number and stop texting me weird shit?!

No I don’t think so

I can’t fucking believe it

At this point it’s too late

Now I know you

You don’t know me

And even if you did, then un-know me!

I don’t know how to do that

It’s easy! Forget about me

And if I can’t

PRETEND

So you should do it too

… Excuse me?

About your boyfriend

He’s gone, isn’t he

So forget him

And if you can’t

Pretend

**Thursday, June 26 th, 2031, 6.41 PM**

That was too soon wasn’t it

Stuff your mouth with your own shit and then choke on it

Ok I get it

I’ll text again tomorrow

**Thursday, June 26 th, 2031, 6.45 PM**

I think I wanna meet the guy

Who?

No.

Dude you can’t be serious.

Why not

Adam you lost your mind

Who is this guy even?!

I dunno that’s why I wanna meet him

But where is this coming from???

Wait, have you been talking to him?

Yeah now and then

To say what?!

He insulted me mostly

So naturally you wanna meet him.

Makes perfect sense.

I’m curious

What’s there to be curious about? Jesus Adam

You got his dead boyfriend’s number by mistake

You read his private texts without permission

Then you kept harassing him

He was very clear about not wanting to have anything to do with you!

I love you, dude, you’re my best friend, but you’re running headfirst into a restrictive order

But what’s wrong about wanting to meet him

Jesus

No I don’t get it

Yeah sure we didn’t come across one another in the best of circumstances

But now it’s done

He asked me to un-know him

How do you even do that

I don’t even

Adam

speechless.gif

**Friday, June 27 th, 2031, 3.36 PM**

So how are you today

Oh my God you really texted again

I said I would didn’t I

Yeah but don’t you GET that I don’t wanna talk to you?

No I got it

I just don’t care

WHAT

You’re unreasonable

You want me to do impossible things

STOP TALKING TO ME IS IMPOSSIBLE?

Yeah

**Friday, June 27 th, 2031, 3.49 PM**

I don’t know what to do.

Love?

Remember I told you about that guy?

He got Alan’s number and read all the texts I sent him

Ah, right. Adam. I remember. What happened?

He keeps texting me.

Like, he doesn’t wanna let it go.

Is he harassing you, love?

We can call the police in no time.

Is he bullying you?

No… wait…

I mean, he’s not

I mean, he IS bothering me, okay

He texts and asks me how I feel and

Actually I just realized I have no idea what our conversations are about, he just texts me out of nowhere or I text him, that happened too

You texted him yourself?

Yeah, once, to insult him.

Alright, that doesn’t qualify as texting him. You just told him to get lost, I presume?

Yeah but then we kept talking.

I mean, I don’t know. I don’t understand what he wants from me!

Did you ask him?

Yeah, but he’s as eloquent as a comatose chihuahua.

Can’t express a thought for his life.

Are you sure you don’t want to call the police, love?

Yeah… I’m sure.

I don’t want this to become bigger than it is.

It’s just… sometimes he says things that really get on my nerves.

Like I should go back to living my life, or that I should forget about Alan, or that he’d be happy to know I moved on (what the fuck does he even know???)

Then he tries to apologize and fails spectacularly

And then all of a sudden he says the most ridiculous things

Was him someone I know I’d even say adorable things

Like that I write beautiful things

Or that it’s impossible to stop talking to me

Or that I’m cute when I smile

… love, are you sure you never met this guy?

Yeah, why?

I’m calling the police.

No, come on!

**Saturday, June 28 th, 2031, 11.07 AM**

Hey.

Uh

Hi

Wasn’t expecting you to text me first

Surprise

Listen, I’ve got a question

And I would like for you to try your best

And answer in a way that makes sense

And that doesn’t wanna make me report you to the police

Are you thinking about it

It’s been on the table as an option for the past few hours

Also would it kill you to use question marks every now and then?

Punctuation is pointless in texts

Jesus

I can’t believe I’m still talking to you.

Anyway

My question is:

What is the reason why you keep texting me?

Like, put the bullshit aside, apologizing and all.

Don’t care about that.

‘Cause you apologized

You know what, I accept your apology, so consider that done

So, this put aside, why?

Why do you just keep going?

What do you want?

Just answer honestly and clearly, please.

I’m listening.

Ok

So

Thing is I don’t know you

And I’ve never seen you

But I kinda like you

Seriously

Yeah no shit

Believe me I’ve been told I’m an idiot about this already

By myself and others

But it is what it is

You touched me with your words

I felt sorry for you

And that was the beginning

Then we started fighting

And you’re fucking challenging

And you’re a lot

But you also seem like a person with a whole world inside

And interesting guy

And idk

I’m interested I guess.

…

Okay, so you used a period there, so I guess this must be serious.

Kinda

Okay.

concern.gif

inhaleexhale.gif

Okay. So what do you propose we do?

**Saturday, June 28 th, 2031, 12.37 AM**

Lwo

Lo

Leo

Wtf

Can’t even write my name properly anymore?

What’s going on?

I’m meeting the guy

Name’s Jesse

What

We’re meeting for lunch at Breadsticks

What do I wear

WHAT

He sent me a picture to recognize him he’s fucking gorgeous like

He looks like the girl with the pearl earring

But as a boy

And with hair of course

WHAT???????????

Adam

So yeah

I wanna impress him

So tell me how to dress

The football team’s jacket would be too obvious wouldn’t it

Actually I’m not even sure one like him would care about that so no

I need something else

Adam, you’re crazy.

No I’m not

Okay

I really am not

I like this dude

For whatever reason

I wanna meet him

And you’re not stopping me okay

I’m gonna carpe the fuck out of this diem

And I’m meeting him for lunch

And that’s final

So either you help me choose what to wear

Or I’ll just wear random clothes and hope for the best

What’s it gonna be

_Leo is calling you…_


End file.
